CRITICS

I want to mention three sorts of critics.

The Hyper Critic who no matter what will drill in like a dentist on the minutiae of what you have said or done. It doesn’t matter how trivial or obscure the detail is they will rag on it and rag on it like a terrier on a rat. You begin to realise their actions have nothing to do with you it’s all about creating an opportunity for them to talk about what they think and what their opinion is.

They will pull other people in, misquote and misrepresent you and what you have said, so not only do they have a platform they have an audience for what they want to say which is basically a personal attack on you and how the Hyper Critic is right and you are wrong.

The Sniper Critic starts out with you thinking they are going to comment on the opinion, the art, the work, the performance but ends up doing nothing but attacking the person. I remember once reading what was supposed to be a gig review of a well known performer bY a journalist in a respectable, as respectable as they get, newspaper. Three lines in and you realised it was nothing by a vitriolic attack by one woman, the reviewer, on another woman, the performer. 800 venomous words that never mentioned the gig except as a place the writer went.

The Know It All It doesn’t matter what you say or what you do, this person knows better, knows why you are wrong because they know everything about everything. Even if you present them with evidence contrary to what they say, your facts and proof they must and will find a way to remain right.

I don’t mind criticism if it’s warranted. I remember once someone being asked if they had read any of my blog. I knew what was coming so it was no surprise when the person responded they read as much of it as they could stomach and when asked what they thought responded with one word, obnoxious. I do not mind having my work critiqued if the person doing it can show me why they are saying what they are saying and how they think it will help me improve what I’m doing. I do mind when it’s all about attacking the person not commenting on the work.

You often won’t realise you are dealing with one of these until it’s almost too late and you have been sucked into their vortex of negativity and shaming but it’s never too late or too early to sing them the ‘You’re Right’ song ( you’re right, you’re right, you’re very, very right, be happy, be glad and never ever sad becuase you’re very, very right) smile, strike that match, burn that bridge and walk away.

THE MISERY

Stay away from negative people, they have a problem for every solution.

Albert Einstein

In my experience there are two basic sorts of Miseries, the Passive and The Active.

The Passive Misery is the person who has that mind set where nothing gives them any joy. It’s hard to know if they are born with this attitude or it is a learned behaviour but it’s like their sunshine is constantly hidden behind a black cloud that hangs over their head. They are the sort of people who’s presence can cause other people’s head’s to drop and shoulders to slump. They automatically find the bad in any good news, their own or other people’s.

‘Congratulations! You’ve just won £5,000,000 on the lottery’

‘I suppose I’ll have to pay taxes on it so most will be gone before I see it.’

or

‘John has booked a holiday in Mexico’

‘Let’s hope he doesn’t get sick over there or shot up by drug traffickers’

It’s impossible to get a Passive Misery to see anything but the negative connotation, effects or results of any given situation or action.

Sadly these people tend to be completely unaware of what they are like and the effect they have on people. They don’t understand why people lose patience and lose interest but just accept it is the way life is giving them one more thing to be miserable about.

The Active Misery knows they are miserable, is quite proud of the fact they never think anything good of anyone and see nothing positive in life. Life for them is a hard, harsh place and all their energy is focused on proving it to themselves over and over again and they scan every possible horizon to find things to be miserable about. What’s more if they can’t be miserable for their own sake they will seek out someone or something else they can be miserable for. These are the sort of people who follow tabloid and gossip magazine stories and take up arms on behalf of some C list celebrity because of a supposed insult levelled at them by another C list celebrity.

An off shot of the Active Misery is the Aggressive Misery. Not only are they miserable in their own right but they are determined to make others around them just as miserable. They will do this by; being difficult and disagreeable to get along with, questioning and arguing every little detail in a day, relaying information they think will upset you in some way making you either angry or sad, gossiping about you and even outright personal attacks. Often this sort of thing is done under the guise of ‘For you own good’ because if there is one thing the Aggressive Misery can’t tolerate is the idea of other people not being miserable.

There is not much you can do for A Misery, they either lack the self awareness to know there is a problem or revel in the problem and see no reason to change it. The best thing to do is smile when you strike that match and walk away as that bridge burns.